So Lol my world is technically falling apart. The really weird thing is that I'm totally cool with it. I mean seriously if anyone else were in this situation I bet they would be crying. But I'm fine with it. I feel.... calm? Collected? Very Shizuka I guess. The really weird thing is I should be freaking out but I guess I have just realized that it doesn't matter anymore. Life is going to become unfair and cruel no matter what I do. Then everything I think matters to me won't and then I'll die once I've lived a long life of things that just don't matter anymore. Its that simple. Maybe this glass is empty view that I've taken is actually caused by the fact that I've realized I don't really have anyone to turn to anymore. Its cool though. I have like always remembered that the only one I can rely on and trust is myself.

So I guess what I'm saying is when things finally do go to hell. I'll just leave. I mean deep in my heart I've realized that once it becomes too much I'll just take off. Hey that's what a full tank of gas is for any why right? I mean sure I would LOVE not to have to worry about Jan.... I really would love for all that to just leave and never ever worry about it. But hey I've known since the start that this was going to happen. So I'll guess I'll accept it.

So Mother told me a story today that a father who's son had died knew almost nothing about his son. He didn't know his son's favorite music or classes. Naturally I asked Mother if she knew my favorite classes or music. She did sort of. But I can't really blame her since my likes often change however, I felt bad thinking that should something like that happen to me. I dont' want people to say my parents know nothing about me. I realize they do know a lot about me but hey why not give them a hand? After all they aren't mind readers right?

Favorite Music: Happy Caramelldasen/Anything by Gackt. Sad 16th Station. Angry Taste the Blood/Animal I've become/Der Spiegel/Name of the Game.
Favorite Artist: Gackt and Tsukiko Amano
Favorite Colors: Black Red Blue White (in that order)
Favorite Video Game: Resident Evil (duh) Fatal Frame Shadow Hearts Fallout 3 Bioshock and Assassin's Creed.
Favorite Anime (series) : Currently Bleach, but overall probably Chrono Crusade.
Favorite Anime (movie): The Girl Who Leapt Through Time. used to be Spirited Away/Princess Mononoke.
Favorite Tv Show: CSI! Used to be Buffy and 3rd Rock From The Sun.
Favorite Class: English (not in College though) and Biology.
Favorite time of day: Night.
Favorite Video Game System: Xbox 360 (Hikari)
Favorite Drink: Mountain Dew Voltae (its a guilty pleasure)
Favorite Mangaka (Yaoi): Naono Bohra.
Favorite Place: Japan Shijuku or Sangubashi.
Favorite Smell: The smell of rain. (aka wet rocks)
Favorite Computer Game: Myst 3 or Myst 1.
Favorite Book: Luna followed by Ego and Frankenstein.
Favorite Author: Julie Ann Peters, Chuck Pala...(don't make me spell it FIGHT CLUB!) and Darren Shan (?)
Favorite Food: MEAT! (duh)
Favorite Jacket: My Portland State one and the wings one from Japan.
Favorite Jewerly: My rings and necklaces.
Favorite Time of Year: Summer.
Favorite Temp: 80+
Favorite Sport: To Watch Baseball. To play swimming?
Favorite Movie:....which one? (everyone knows I've only seen five movies I hate in my life)

Shall we do Least Favorites now?

Least Favorite Book: Twilight and the Odyssey.
Least Favorite Time of Day: Morning/Bedtime
Least Favorite Food: Mushrooms.
Least Favorite Time of Year: Winter (coold)
Least Favorite Color: Green(the bright kind not the dark forest green.)
Least Favorite Music: Rap. (just can't get into it)
Least Favorite Game: ....ummm..... your mom?
Least Favorite Video Game System: Wii.

Well I can't think of anything else.... Hopes this helps guys. If you have any others tell me k? Hearts.

Agh! My big computer is breaking down! The hardrive is shutting down. I'm really freakin out! I mean seriously freaking out. Now is NOT the time for this. I mean I'm mostly caught up homework wise and I always have Shiki in case the computer does go out. But still this is really crappy timing. I've got two different papers to write. On top of a power point to finish. Oh god this is not good.

Plus I'm worried about all my stuff. I mean if I lost all my docs.... (and my YAOI!) I'd freak out. I mean seriously I have stuff from years ago. And god knows I've downloaded tons of yaoi. Sob. The thought of losing all that makes me panic. I'v already started backing it up. But still.... Oh god.... I'm worried. I've honestly never backed anything up and I'm freaking out that its going to not work.

I mean I've saved most of my important writing stuff to Shiki but still. Dear god this is TERRIBLE timing. I've got so much to do in the next few days. In other news I'm almost done with the short story I've been writing for the last few days. I'm really excited to finish. Cause then I can go back to SH. Anyway I'm going to panic for a while longer.